


Fear

by LtTanyaBoone



Series: Connor!verse [7]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-26
Updated: 2012-09-26
Packaged: 2017-11-15 08:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A major change for the McGee household.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear

**Disclaimers:** NCIS, the rights to the show and its characters do not belong to me. No money was made by this.  
 **Spoilers:** everything, AU  
 **Pairing:** Tim McGee/Ziva David romance (est. relationship)

* * *

Tim McGee rubbed a tired hand over his face, drawing a shuddering breath. It had been sixteen long hours. He needed sleep, but he couldn’t leave Ziva alone, not like this, not now. And he really doubted he would be able to catch any sleep at all, his thoughts and worries would keep him up, the fear of not hearing his cell phone, of missing something, of not being there if…

Six months ago, he had found Ziva sitting in the living room, staring off into air. He had taken minutes to catch her attention, and then she had told him what was wrong: she was pregnant. Again. Apparently, that one time when he had come back from his Agent Afloat assignment and they had gotten carried away in the moment had been careless enough to knock her up.

Troy had squashed their hopes that this pregnancy would be easier than the one with Connor. And he had proven right. Ziva had been feeling down a lot, and it tore at her to be unable to do the simplest things, like going grocery shopping or even just lifting up their son. And Connor had been too young to really understand why he couldn’t cuddle with Mommy as much any more. But the ultrasounds showed a healthy baby, and it had been enough to get them through the worry and frustration. He had watched her belly expand again and marveled at the feeling of their child kick as he stroked her soft skin.

Gibbs had moved into the guest bedroom when Ziva had been put on bed rest again, and he had proven to be a gift. Tim didn’t know if he would have been able to go to work at some days if he hadn’t known someone was looking after Ziva. Everything had been fine, considering… But that had ended sixteen hours ago, when he had woken up to Ziva whimpering in her sleep. Waking her up had proven that her water had broken and she had been having mild contractions already. He had immediately taken her to the hospital, leaving Gibbs to watch Connor since the older man had been woken by Ziva’s moan of pain in the hallway when they left the house.

And now he had a daughter. A tiny little thing born three months early. Ziva was sleeping, the exhaustion combined with the pain meds and two hours of sleep in more than 24 hours had knocked her out. And he was sitting outside her room, so she didn’t see his worried expression as the first thing when she opened her eyes again. He didn’t know how to tell her that there was the possibility of their baby not making it. He didn’t know how to face her tears and her pain when he couldn’t conquer his own.

Someone sat down beside him and squeezed his shoulder tightly. Tim looked up, confused, and found the blues eyes of his former boss.

“Where’s Connor?” he asked, suddenly panicking and looking around for the kid.

“Asleep. DiNozzo came over.” Gibbs told him, watching him carefully. “How is she?”

“Sleeping. She was in a lot of pain, she couldn’t get an epidural this time around.” he told his former boss, and the man waited.

“And you daughter?” he softly asked, and Tim bit his lip.

“Don’t know.” he admitted and felt Gibbs shift beside him. “I wasn’t down to see her yet. I didn’t want… I didn’t want to leave Ziva.”

Still the older man stared at him and Tim hid his face in his hands in shame. “I can’t, Gibbs. What if she doesn’t make it? You didn’t see her, she was so tiny when the doctor showed her to us for that brief moment before they took her away… Her skin was blue, she wasn’t moving, she didn’t scream or anything… what if she dies, what if my baby dies?” he asked, looking at the man with tears in his eyes.

Gibbs swallowed thickly and cleared his throat.

“What if she dies and you haven’t seen her before, except for that moment?” he asked, his voice thick. And just like that, Tim broke down and started sobbing. The older man wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him close, letting the young father lean against his shoulder and holding his neck as Tim cried in anguish. He lost track of time, of how long he couldn’t calm down, couldn’t keep it together. When he was done and slowly straightened, Gibbs merely handed him a tissue and got up.

“She’s not gonna die. She’s your daughter, Tim, and Ziva’s, she’s a McGee and a fighter. She’ll make it. But right now, she’s all alone in that NICU, in that incubator. She can’t be with her mother, and even though Ziva will fight to be let to her as soon as she opens her eyes again, they won’t let her today. She’s too exhausted, and from what I got from DiNozzo, it was a complicated birth, they’ll want her in bed and not up and about. The only person whose voice your daughter knows that can be with her is you. And you owe it to her to be there, you owe it to your child and you owe it to your wife.” he said in the voice he had used before, the one when he had slapped him after he had handed in his badge while trying to protect his sister. Tim blew his nose and nodded, slipping into Ziva’s room. He gently stroked her cheek and she stirred lightly in her sleep but didn’t open her eyes or wake up.

“Hey. I’ll be with the baby. I know it’s gonna be scary when you wake up, and I apologize for being an ass, but I won’t leave her alone from now one, promise.” he whispered, kissing her gently above her brow before leaving the room. He told the nurse where he was going to be, in case Ziva woke up and asked for him, then made his way to the NICU with Gibbs in tow. He filled out the form and scrubbed his hands, Gibbs at his side all the time, silent shadow of strength and calm that he was.

And then he saw her. Really saw her for the first time. She really was tiny, he thought she would probably fit in one of his hands. Her eyes were shut with gauze, a nasal tube was taped to her cheek, her heaving chest strapped with wires, one going in a tiny arm. He could see her heart fluttering in her chest, her skin soft and paper thin. Tim swallowed thickly and almost bolted from the room, but Gibbs stepped up close to him, watching the small baby lift her hand with an effort, her tiny mouth opening in a soft yawn.

“She’s beautiful, Tim.” the man whispered, and Tim swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat.

“Yes, she is.” he returned and stepped closer to the incubator, pressing a hand against the clear plastic. “Hi there, baby girl.” he whispered to her, waiting for an indication she recognized his voice. The shaking in her arms and legs subsided, and he took it as a good sign. “Hi. I’m your Daddy. Your Mommy is sleeping right now, but I know she wants to be with you really badly, but she can’t. But we both love you so much, my little one, and we want to see you grow up. So you just hang in there, okay? You need to grow and get stronger, and we’ll help you. You’re not alone, sweetie pie, I promise Daddy won’t let you be alone any more.” he told her, wiping a tear from his cheek as a doctor stepped up to them.

“Mr. McGee?” she asked him, her voice soft. He sniffled and turned to her, blushing in embarrassment at his behavior. “It’s okay. What you said was really cute. Keep talking to her, she most likely recognizes your voice from when you talked to her mother.” She gave him an encouraging smile. “I know it’s frightening and confusing, and if you have any questions, you can always ask us. There’s always two doctors at the NICU and six nurses, plus some interns, so we’re taking really good care of her.”

Tim found himself nodding, wiping his nose at the end of his sleeve and turning again to look at his daughter.

“Do you want to touch her?” the woman suddenly asked him, and his eyes widened in fear. “It’s okay, she’s a little weak and you can’t hold her just yet. But we encourage skin-to-skin contact, it helps them to know they’re not alone.” she told him, opening one of the latches. “You need to remove any jewelry on the hand you’re touching her with.” she said and handed him a plastic container so he could place his watch and wedding band in it. Gibbs took it from him as he disinfected his hands again and the doctor did the same. She reached inside the plastic box and carefully stroked a finger over the cheek of his daughter. He could have sworn he heard her give a tiny sigh at the contact.

“Her skin is really soft and you need to be careful not to scratch her. Don’t touch her head and try not to pull at any of the wires, the machines are sensitive and will sound an alarm since it could be your daughter moving in distress.” the woman said and removed her hand, taking a step aside and letting him reach inside. His hand hovered above the infant and he felt a sudden surge of fear that he could hurt her. He looked over his shoulder at Gibbs, who gave him an encouraging nod, and with a swallow, he turned to look at his daughter again and gently touched his finger to her tiny fist. To his surprise, she uncurled her fingers before attempting to wrap them around the digit, her legs moving in tandem with her free arm. The doctor -P. Tracy the nametag informed him- walked around the incubator and opened another latch, carefully checking the tiny diaper the baby was wearing and checking the wires she was attached to. Once she was done, she closed the latch and disappeared shortly, getting him a chair so he could sit down. He gave her a short nod and then continued to stare at his daughter, transfixed. He could see the little cupid’s bow that reminded him of Ziva. Her skin was paler than that of her mother, but it had lost the bluish tint. Her nose was the same a Connor’s, some mix between his and Ziva’s, but her ears he had seen a thousand times before while looking in the mirror.

“Did you see her eye color?” he suddenly asked the doctor, who glanced up from a chart, frowning slightly.

“I think they were brown.” she told him. “Most babies have blue or brown eyes, they get their permanent eye color-“

“Later, I know. We have a son, Connor, he’s turning five soon. He had brown eyes as a baby, too, but they turned green later.” he whispered, looking at his daughter again. “Hear that, you have a brother. And Connor’s really excited to meet you. He can’t come here, but we’ll take lots of picture and show them to him.” he told her, and the baby yawned again, her lips puckering. “You look a lot like your mother. She’s just as beautiful as you.”

Then he remembered he wasn’t the only one visiting her. “Hey, I wanna introduce you. This is your grandpa Gibbs. Connor calls him Grumpa, because he looks really grumpy sometimes, but really, he’s an old softie.” Tim joked and Gibbs stepped up next to him.

“Hi there.” he muttered, pressing his hand against the plastic just as Tim had done before.

“Does she have a name?” the doctor suddenly asked him and he stared at her. “It’s okay if you didn’t have one picked, the nurses just like to have one to keep them apart. If you don’t, they’ll just pick one and them we’ll replace it with your choice-“

“Ella.” he interrupted her.

“Excuse me?”

“Her name is Ella.” Tim told her, looking back at his daughter. “Ella Aviva McGee.” he whispered, running his thumb gently over her small hand as Ella gave a tiny sigh.

_fin._


End file.
